scream when you have to, to let go

Thursday, August 25, 2005

22:03

dearest ______.

im going crazy. there's nothing more in this life than to study and absorb and basketball.
im talking to myself less. that's a bad sign.
that's not me.
im finally FINISHING nothing at the end of the day.
it's scaring me that we only have about two weeks less and im just halfway done.
could time stand still?

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I AM THE WONDERWOMAN OF THE CENTURY.
I CAN MAKE TIME STAND STILL FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT..

KEY: MEDITATE.

but isn't meditating a complete waste of time?

rubbish.
im spouting rubbish.
and im going nuts and chips and crackers and lays and ruffles and hiphopjellies!
main idea: im going nuts.

save me my prince charming, my princess diana, my king fadh, my queen elizabeth II, my knight of light, my dragon hero, my best friends [if there are any in this world].

Saturday, August 13, 2005

23:35

alrighties.
it's really been long since i blogged. (:
because im busy. told you im in for good grades.(:
anyhow, i attended I AM GIFTED, SO ARE YOU! course. (:
i really liked it a lot and found the trainers completely amazing.

let me recap alright?

thursday.
entered the PAT and saw chairs not being retracted. it was rather hot. but it's alright.expected it to be some boring lame shit. but hey, look on the bright side, it's going to help me improve. (: and so we sat down feeling "i don't know". our first speaker was GARY. man, he looked familiar. (: then he introduced to us himself, told us banned words, told a great deal of stories, it started to dawn on me that this was gonna be really cool. and the saying goes, first impression lasts. from then on i liked him. i liked the speed he was talking at, i liked the way he presented his stuff, i liked the way he make us feel like "we cannot sleep". it's hardly that any teacher can do this except a couple. if he was to be a teacher, i suppose he'd be an all time favourite? (: okay. enough of praising. he told us this crap full of jokes. the whole world is like laughing?! haha. okay. he shared on self esteem. i wouldn't say he TAUGHT. because we actually already know. it's just he shared with us on how to boost your self esteem and stuff. and i begin to realise i had okay self esteem. not too high. not too low. just for me. then came about AMIN. like a few of us were like groaning. where did gary go? okay. so like becuase of this thing that i have against malay guys/men, i didn't really liked him. like yoohoo. alright lets move on with life.so, he taught us how to speed read. and living with the fact that i don't really like to read nowadays because it takes up too much time, i had difficulty reading la. like DUHH.yupp.and my reading speed? i don't know. counted my w.p.m. which obviously now i forgot. whoops. and learnt super memory. (: cool man. i loved the super memory. (: by then we taught amin's jokes weren't that good. ohwells. i told you i had this thing of malay guys. too bad. and they talked about gays. haha. it was damn funny. but WHATEVER.HAHA. alright. adn after dinner, MELVIN turned up. he was the cross breed between chinese and chihuahua. HAHA. cute a million pls.we were sitting there thinking we liked him better than amin. whoops. but WHATEVER.and he taught us about strategy. it was cool and goals. i loved them. (:and he told us of his stupid ex-girlfriend. ohman. you could literally laugh. it was damn funny. and he has nice hair. and because i like chinese guys better than malay guys, naturally i found him better. ya? and he really rocks la. he could connect so many things together. and make it sound sensible. (: and so we went home late.

friday.
i was really looking forward to everything there. yupp. i wanted gary. (: duh he left a good impression in me. but he wasn't there. it was amin. okay.did speed reading with us again. played a game with chihuahuas.and tested our self to this time limit frame and did comprehension. we were crazy people.thank goodness it was multiple choice. becuase like i really hate open ended. it gives a whole lot of shit answers and will sometimes not accept mine.grr. haha. very funny. okay. and the chairs we retracted. i was thinking: wow. it's down. and the aircon was on. i was so thankful for that but it really got super cold. i started shivering.den it was quite fast la that session with him. learnt mind maps. interesting. lunch. food was definitely better. (: then came back: GARY! yay. me, hx, yunjia were like seals: yay. we had to move a whole row. and we were quite frustrated la. that why was there and empty row in front when there were already people sitting there before. but nvm. the place got really cold. and gary waited for us to setttle down. and it was interesting that he didn't actually scold us. and it really shot me la. when he said that he cared for us more than we care for ourselves. oh boy freak. he'd make a good father. ape seh. we thought he would come in happy and we'd be happy and all but turned out like this. so fine. lets move on with life. and he shared with us skills again. and make us realise our true self. it was utter coolness. i mean. i didn't really discover much of my true self though i only know a bit. i was quite happy and confused at my true self. like. isn't it like about the same? okay. so and then he talked and lectured and told us invaluable values. really made me realise man. and he played the song child. he can sing! (: not bad. and he dared. he was good!(: DUH. and we had this whole night weeping. ahah. it was super solemn man that some were laughing. but i was crying la. it was this point of time when i asked melinda for tissue, she said: no more already. next time i bring bonus pack. WAHLIAO EH. WHATEVER. all the rest of us were crying like shit and you just happily crack some stupid lame joke la.it was good to the point that it really made me realise la. and becuase i had quite a good relationship with my mother i daresay compared to others. i knew what is their purpose in life. i mean. yeah we've talked about it before. yippee. so we went home.late again.

saturday.
pat, even colder. i was shivering head to toe okayy............. then wrote mum letter in there. early mornign melvin. did super memory. cool he can remember everything clearly and words are jsut like that. and taught us techniques to remember stuff. i'll remember it okay! (: thank you man. stupid people also can remember. he also talked to us about careers and stuff. okay. so i think i want to become child psychologist. okay. deals with crazy stuff. ohwells. then lunch and amin came. ohkay! fine! he's good sometimes. crazy people. played chihuahua again. ape seh. my compre skills are like tuptup. and did mind maps until like three. cool huh. yay! did my eye. and would they please return my eye back to me??????????????? i want it back! my mindmap for eye is gone jsut like that and i thought they'd return! grr. okay. yippee. finally. gary came back. being the chief trainer. DUH he's good. he gave an hour career talk. cool. whatever. sped through time management and told us how to do simultaneous eqn under 12 secs. okay. AWESOME. we started to imitate him. cool man. i liked it. haha. im so mean. okayy. duh. then, i realised he looked like evan. haha. okay. i won't say much already. (: lets move on with life. messaged my mother asking whether she's coming. i fully expected her to be there man. but like suddenly she msged: i don't come. can? of course la i say yes! like what you want to scold your mother and get scolded back? dont waste my breath man. then we had the sharing session la. cried when ebel gave talk. yippee. i felt my mother really wasted that oportunity to listen to what gary said. it mean it's completely useful to my parents and brother on how not to quarrel with me. it's so easy as abc and i never realised that. gary is one smart man. he thinks fast man. i love that for a fact. i was utterly disappointed la when my other msged she was downstairs at around nine thirty and dont wanna come up. like sad man. i wanted to give the letter otherwise i would forget where i placed it. like seriously. you ask me to give this specific period i'll give man. otherwise i'd jsut forget! (: okayyy. joanne gave me hug. maznah did too. thanks guys. rushed back to car and immediately: why so late you know i come very early. i was like @!&*%*&! OKAY. i just learnt to appreciate them but seriously. it really sucks when the first thing they see you they say that. like it's my fault!? ape seh.. i knew it was gonna come. i had always been. then i only gave her one word answer to not aggravate myself. okay. so she realised i dont want to talk to her. fine lorrh. she did the same thing to me too at home when i saw the tv being placed in a different manner, bad for my studies!! yippee. okayy.they really should have gone.it pays. haha. awesome course i daresay. lets move on with life.

and so i found the whole course interesting and i liked gary and co. they like really knew their stuff. it kinda cool to be like them. but one thingi realised. he drink water one small bottle never finish OKAY! YIPPEE! and i've learnt to appreciate and love myself more than i love others becuase in the end: i'll be standing alone. (:

thank you all of you!

i love you.

p/s: words in orange are their favourite phrases. (:

Friday, August 05, 2005

22:35

hello. i've uploaded photos.

actually im quite tired to blog.

but still.

anyway, i've been super busy there's nothing more i can do.

achievement: i listened and actually understood bio. (:

and it's ms azlin's birthday!

okay. i spent days singing.

i think im getting mad by the day/hour/minute/second.

ohno.

but don't worry i havent got a loose screw in my head.

and my brain is not tiny.

and i don't choke on fishballs.

and i need to go on a diet.

im gaining weight. damnit.

i have to loose weight doink.

and i say again: im not so heavy!

i should stop eating ice creams.

i eat ice cream almost every day.

i should stop walking to mobil and stuff myself with food.

i should stop eating and spending so much on food.

i must run.

i must loose weight.

i obssessed.

i shall only eat fruits and drink lime juice.

i shall not eat chocolates at ten o clock at night.

i'll be obese.

i will drink plain water at night.

i will not nibble on anything while studying.

i will weigh myself once a week.

maybe i should only eat supplements.

ohno.

i'll die the next day.

too bad. i've no will.

and please grieve for me. and bring sunflowers at my...wake?

but think on the bright side.

i'll have more money to spend at the end of the year! (:

yippee.

I NEED TO GO ON A DIET!