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i am standing as i type this post.
i've been sitting on that annoying black chair far too long. since 8.30? oh god. at this rate my butt/hip/thigh size is going to triple in 2 weeks. no joke. i'm now an elephantess at 55kg. that's 5kg more than i used to be only 2 months ago. please, you're allowed to say: STOP EATING LAH!
ok. here's what been happening to me.
on....wednesday, i went out with fazzzzz and dianah. eeee so long neh see her already, i miss her truckloads. we ate at breeks i ate the mashed potato and shared some creamy pasta with faz. (thus it is no wonder im gaining weight like an elephantess) then we walked to mind cafe. on the way there we window shopped a little. then we came to the erp gantry. HAHAHA. (read dianah's blog for what happened) then we walked further and started playing games like quelf and express it and taboo and another game. it was pretty fun but i think would be more enjoyable with another person. ((: yea. after which we left at 5.30 and we took jumping photos along prinsep st in front of an office. HAHAHAHA. so random and so out in the open but cool esp with faz's phone! :D yea.
thursday, i went somewhere in the morning. OH YA. cjc to help out with racial harmonay. it was standard. but i think last yr more hyped up. ((: yea. the satay has always been good, thanks to the boys fanning the fire all the time. woohoo future orang jual satay! then movie. IT WAS DAMN COOL yes.
announcement for everyone: WATCH DARK KNIGHT. MUST EVEN IFYOU HAD NO PRIOR INTENTIONS, JUST WATCH.
headed to meet mum at taka and we went to peninsula and kg jawa. help bro look for stuff. yea.
finally, TDY.
was a horrible start. i was late for the briefing by half an hour. it was all very confusing butim getting a hang of it now after sitting since afternoon at 4 and started checking out the CORS website. and i hate it now. i hate this bidding idea. damn. it's just so hard to arrange my own timetable. sigh. and this is one big reason why my butt is going to expand. )):
my eyebags are enlarged. ):
i should really be sleeping now cos i have to wake up early.
why do people wear make up? to beautify themselves and look presentable.
i dont know. maybe i'll wear make up wheni go out in the future and maybe i wont. i dont know myself. but there's like thousands of floors of make up cosmetic department in the world combined to cater for both men and women. are they really necessary? definitely yes for models i suppose. but have you ever really wondered why people will put on at least foundation and lipstick whenever they have some important people to meet? again the word presentable and inviting(?) yeah. i guess - i dont know - a lot of girls just put on make up without thinking of the purpose for doing so.
but they CAN be presentable without it. make up can really change your look from sexy to sweet to sultry to just plain emo. i see tons of girls walking down orchard road donning 10 inches thick of make up. whyyyyyyyy. whywhywhy. would guys be attracted but it is such a shame that you have to don another face to others when you're out and when you're at home, you'll be at your most natural. natural beauty. isnt that much better? it's god's gift no matter how you look. appreciate it. that links to another topic of cosmetic surgery. but i'm too lazy to talk about that.
and so there was my rants of some thoughts being put together but doesnt seem to flow.
will chat about our cute cute trip to the mind cafe tmr along with cjc racial harmonay happening at 8 am later!
see ya girls.
hey.
how are you all feeling this fine tuesday night? im feeling really thirsty.
anyway. there are a few reasons as to why i havent blogged for a week. many things happened which i dont wish to talk about cos they only form bad memories and it's better if i just leave it at that and forget about it. but there are of course some things worth remembering.
where do i start.
I L-O-V-E CHILLING.
and i'm going to chill a lot in this two weeks.
i bet you on that.
so who's up for some chilling with me? we can try making our own cocktails and spaghetti? MMMMM.
ive been spending a lot of my days with farah lately! :D like i see her almost every alternate day and i appreciate her company, especially during the dumb shit medical checkup at UHWC which took me about 4 hours to complete. ZOMG. without her there, i think - i dont think- I'M DAMN SURE i'll be bored to death or just glue myself to my phone trying to call people who'd entertain me. HAHA!
ahh and on the first alterate day she came, we cooked SPAGHETTI! :D it was damn good for people like us! :D ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. do you want to try our spaghetti? XD and we camwhored. something i only do with these close girls.
i went to watch firework with her too on saturday! IT WAS SO PRETTY! i want to catch the rest too! someone else come with me? FAZZZZZZ has that ntums camp to go. ):
kiayi is here with his wife and staying at my place for......i really dont know how long. and for every night he's been here, there has been visiotrs non-stop. it's like hari raya. but i just lock myself up in this room and ignore all else. im such a good daughter. (what say you?)
I'VE BEEN SPENDING A HECK LOT AND I FEEL DAMN GUILTY. I SHOULD STOP SPENDING MONEY LIKE WATER AS THOUGH I PRINT WADS OF MONEY. DAMN.
i really didnt want to use the credit so much but like all the stuff i bought - which i cant remember what - requires a suitcase of money, like my one yr supply of contacts which cost my dad $364 and 4 tank tops from topshop which cost my dad another $60. woah. and i am sure i bought more stuff. and i even need more jeans/pants cos i gained weight - FORK AND SPOON! GAH! - and there's still the laptop i need. those are going to cost a lot. damn. im biting my nails waiting for the credit card bill to come. i have never spent so much before and i have never eaten like an elephant before. my appetite is growing bigger and bigger by the mealtime. it's no wonder im gaining weight.
i really need to get to school fast so i can immerse myself in education and get stressed about not having done my homework or stress about shit that i dont understand and think: holy. am i stupid or what. SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME! that kind of stuff. then i can divert my attention to those and forget about food and stop gorging and craving for stuff like daily-fix-of-chocolate. talking about daily-fix-of-chocolate: that requires money too and more calories (not that i count them). ):
siala, teriyaki chicken stew la. ):
oh faz told me that singaporeean girls are part of the TOP 10 SEXIEST/HOTTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD. what the bangla?!
heyheyhey! (tune: the milk song of some advertisement shit) or was it "ho ho ho"?
there's so many things to say and i think it's gonna be long post.
here goes.
ONE.
my mum's birthday! :D 14 july.
she's way way cool to be so young and im only 19. :D it was mostly like any other day but with a lot more love in the house :D (somehow i could tell) i cooked with her and helped clean the stove, something which i only do when she's sick/tied up with many things/birthday. so basically cleaning stove is like a special act that deserves to be applauded. it was a dirty, oily stove. so yea. then there was some confusion to her birthday cake thing but eventually it all went well. ice cream! :D at swensens. like always. but eating at swensens wasnt actually special, but it's special today cos it's a monday. we dont eat swensens on mondays. weekends only. THE BEST PART: WE SCREAMED OUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG IN THE LIFT TWICE, once on the way, once on the way home. it was deafening. i swear my ear drums could split. but it was so funnyyy. she had a memorable expression. HAHA.
declaration: I LOVE YOU, IBU! :D god bless you. (and all the other prayers to god that i've made.)
TWO.
no school today. 15 july.
ahh. i woke at up 6.37am, thinking, oh no, im not going to school. ): feeling really upset about that, that i decided to close my eyes and release that morning blues and feel happy about it, but it put me back to sleep which made me miss my prayer. damn. at every period which i have lesson, i wonder what they were doing. but it made me feel happy to know they are in undeniably better hands compared to me. they're gonna improve, i hope. shite, can you just imagine how horrible i was a MALAY teacher. oh man, dont even bother, you'll vomit blood.
but im so missing them. as was my previous post. but i'll get over it.
nooks, i can still picture your face. but it'll be blurry in no time, no doubt.
like the song, refer below.
THREE.
oh no, i havent called faz for two days though i promised her i'd call like a few hours later, but i'm so caught up ): i feel bad about that. like i was cooking, then i went for ice cream dinner afterwhich i forgot to call her back until i was bathing but it's already so late. i believe faz should get more sleep this period, ok? i'll call her tmr. I PROMISE. and this one wont be broken.
FOUR.
CAR-nival. 13 july.
it was packed at expo hall 4. but i wonder just how people can buy a car immediately without testdriving it. and the proton cars are so mechanical (keras) that it doesnt suit me. so please dad, i dont want the proton. after being so used sitting in cars that are big and spacious like merc, bm and though-quite-small jag, and the hyundai sonata, sitting in small hatchbacks and smaller cars made me have a little phobia of enclosed spaces, especially in cars. i dont know, sitting at the driver's seat is fine, but i worry the passengers wont be comfortable enough to sit more that one hour inside. but in any case, having a small car is perfect for me and my mum. ((:
dad, it doesnt matter what second car you get, it's your money anyway and it's all for the mode of transportation. i'm already a lucky girl to have all this luxuries. thanks be to god for bestowing us with such rezeki.
FIVE.
the guy who asked for my number in the library, i'm sorry it's just not your day and please, if you dont have any place better to ask for girls' numbers, do it like more subtle-ly (if you're asking in the lib) or just go get someplace else. NOT THE LIBRARY. how uncool is that.
that experience was totally disgusting. well i cant deny, im superficial to a small extent - ok certain extent- he just wasnt my type. like please. i dont look freaking 24 who's desperate and looking for a boyfriend sitting at some corner of the library. and you guys should have seen his reaction when he asked:
him: you kat sini buat apa? (what are you doing here?)
me: tengah tunggu mak. (waiting for my mum)
him: MAK?! ALAMAK! k lincah lincah. your number ahh... (MUM!? ALAMAK! k quick quick. your number ahh)
he terperanjat beruk sia. you should have seen his face. it was so funny, i was trying really hard to surpress my laughter. LOL. but just go away and dont harass me.
SIX.
miss universe 2008 is miss venezuela. pity. i prefer miss columbia. she's so gorgeous and sweet and i LOVE her evening wear PLUS she has GREAT ABS. -jaw drops. and i dislike very much miss spain. she's like so irritating and she was trying to exude this: im-so-damn-hot-you-just-have-to-pick-me-otherwise-i'll-get-stuck-in-fhm-international-magazine face. UGH.
SEVEN.
i decided not to blow dry my hair today after shower. and woofoo, nice WAVY, soft hair babes. i thank god for my lovely hair.
i think that's all for now that i can remember.
OH YEA. farah hidayati! if you're reading this, this thurs witch yoo hee??? :D :D looking forward!
till then. i love you guys. all of you in my present life.
blurry - puddle of mudd.
Everything’s so blurry, and everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s empty, and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us, and that’s not very far
Can you take it all away Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face, This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face
Everyone is changing, there’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost with out you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you’re doin I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us but that’s not very far
there's something to look back to now.
and nooks.
goodbye nooks, goodbye kids, goodbye to the angst ive never felt before.
it's a weird feeling though. they're little niceties; little prats; lovely kids.
goodbye. for good and good.
and there's many things to say. but i'll just leave it at that now.
now, i have freedom.
im supposed to be doing some work right now, but here i am, scarring some blog of mine.
i have something to declare.
for the first time in my whole entire life, i was ANGRY.
my bubble didnt BURST WITH GUSTO but it did burst.
being the girl that i've always been, i choose to ignore that anger and went on with class patiently (amazing i could do that sia).
i guess i've never scolded anyone apart from my brother. and i dont tengking people. i was on the verge of SCREAMING! at those kids. but all i did was to tell a student quietly "dont test my patience." i cant believe im so "kind". and to just top off that anger with whipped cream, another student had to mention "TEACHER, YOU GOT PATIENCE AH?!"
JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE.
*sorry for the vulgarity
that totally pushed my limits. but i was so pissed with that comment that all i managed to do was say loudly "SHUT UP" and rolled my eyes at him. i wanted to cry man. but i didnt cos i kept on being reminded of faz's: my patience is only this much (with her face and gestures all) so it sort of lifted my mood.
IM JUST A RELIEF OK.
even if you dont like the damn subject, at least respect me ah. even if you dont want to respect me then just shut the hell up in my class and mind your own business la.fuck. teaching spastic kids beats teaching them sia.
and bloody hell, i have another lesson with them tmr.
work is really mounting. it's not exactly mounting. i can finish it. but the testsssssssssss. it's taking a huge portion of my time. i feel so drained. it sucks. teaching a subject you arent all that proficient at, sucks. teaching a subject that students dont give a toot about sucks. but the subject doesnt suck. they just cant appreciate the language.
i'll psycho myself.
TMR WILL BE A GOOD DAY.
damn you class.
IM DAMN TIRED SIAAAAAAAAAAA.
today rly sucked. ): like. i was supposed to have only one lesson but eventually i only had ONE BREAK. OI. )))):
i must stress. IM DAMN TIRED SIAAAAAAAAAAAA.
went to meet faz after schl tdy to "chill" at starbucks. and we exchanged little stories. ahh. it's so calming to see her. then she came over and we chilled further. i told her i wanted to fart 3 times. since then she kept on asking if i farted. but no smell. :D
WHAT IS THIS OBSCENE INFORMATION THAT IM TYPING?!
whatever.
and ms faz passed me her lethargic-ness suddenly and im so tired now (aftermath of tdy's madness of trying to think what to do what to do and more what to do questions)
there's so much work waiting for me. and i just HAVE to:
prepare more lessons=more students getting bored.
i cant help it kids.
and my brother's counting down to my 15-minute (SHUT UP LUQMAN HAKIM B LOKMAN: LET ME TYPE IN PEACE) time limit. IT'S 9.35 I SWEAR.
anyway, since im not attending the refugezeroaid camp this week(due to work), i hope and wish my little girlfriends will organise a little camp tgt.
i wanna rot, pig and drive around at 3 am in the morning with you guys. :D
holland v anyone? (:
LOVES.
p/s. it's only 9.31 sia. OI! DONT PUNCH ME AH. PAIN SIA.
THE DIPLOMA PRAC IS FINALLY OVER.
it was good i suppose. i did on dance. it was like quite weird and i started talking all the nonsense about dance. i only managed to get to the objectives. didnt even get to show any video. so downloading the vids were like a waste of time. wtf. but the best part: everybody participated! i wasnt asked much questions but i was made to invite a person from the audience to learn a bit of dance steps. HAHAHAHA. so i happily invited my mum to teach her how to do a first and a demi plie. and what the hell. i dont even know how to do them properly. so just teach her anyhow la. based on what i see in the picture i pasted on my portfolio. HAHAHAHHAHAHA. :D
i was quite irritated just now because it was already so cold, i needed to pee and i was stressed cos the questions posed by the examiner was like fcuking hard so i was worrying about mine. and my mum just had to last minute ask me do a powerpoint for her cos she didnt have any. WAHHHHHHLAUUUU. so i was kinda pissed. what last minute. it really didnt help when i need to pee.
in anycase, the dip is OVERRRRR!
i can now start marking all the karangan, kefahaman, akhbar all that ive been putting on hold cos was making this presentation (turned out didnt have to hand up a presentation but a portfolio instead which was only informed 2 nights before the prac). and i can also focus on preparing lessons and get those damned tests done.
holy. making MALAY tests are damn (insert a very very very negative word here) difficult. SIGH. i jsut need some kefahaman help. ): the imbuhan all i do alr. except sec 2. SIALA. im not even a qualified malay teacher who knows all these techniques. ):
SOME KIND SOUL PLEASE HELP!
ok. on monday, frisbee challenge! :D
tmr, SHOPPINGGGGG!
nextweek, MUST SHOP FOR MUM'S PRESENT. anyone wanna come with meeeee?
LOVE!
i called him a bird and i have no idea why i called him a bird. what the hell?
and so another day at school passed. well i guess tdy was better and more fulfilling. i mean i managed to keep the class going and i think all these "no talking in english" campaign is really good. although it's too early to say whether they've improved, i can see them churning out new words. and that includes me. we had some forfeit thing going on and even i got forfeited and my forfeit is atrocious. i gotta buy them coke! what is this! okay. i think i shall change that coke to something healthier.
and i finally know why im am not an angry person. thanks to faz's literary read. read the excerpt below. maybe you'll finally be able to understand yourself.
"Don't Get Mad. Get Wise (Why no one ever makes you angry... ever!)".
Whenever you become angry, it is because you have an image in your mind of how things should be, how people should behave, how events should unfold, and the external reality is not matching the image in your mind.Anger comes when you are not inwardly flexible enough to accept that outward reality is always going to be different from your preconceptions, expectations and desires. In fact, your anger is a sign that you are trying and failing to control other people and events. You have not yet realised that you cannot control other people or events. The world is not designed to waltz to the sound of your swing band. This is why anger is often referred to as a moment of insanity. You are clinically insane!
Attachment is a mistake we all make within our consciousness and it creates what is known as ego.
We must come to realise that everything in life comes and goes, everythign decays, every dynamic process is unpredictable and uncontrallable, and must end. Stuff happens! Everytime you get angry it means you are having an argument with this reality. Once again, not exactly a very enlightened way to live.
for me, i realise i put very little attachment to whatever that revolves around my life. except for that one particular person, my brother and my parents. they're the only people i get really angry with. i let the others come and go easily. i dont like the feeling of anger and thus even when im angry it's only for....10 minutes? HMMMM. maybe i dont care after all how other people behave cos it's completely their choice and i am nobody to tell them what to do.
WHATEVER BOY. just go away now and i'll let you use the com. goodbye. continue next time.
