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i was told to stop silat. hur.
i get injured almost every training. it sucks because it really hurts. last week i stubbed my freaking second toe on the steps. it was swollen the night, less swollen the morning and stopped swelling. about a month and a half ago or two, i injured my left knee. and the injury keeps coming back. intially when i run or jump then it'll start to hurt quite badly. i stayed off jumping for a while it seemed better. now better but when i walk, sometimes, i'll be in like falling motion but halfway because my knee gave way. the physio told me i have weak knee and needed to go to the gym bla bla and run. i have tendonitis which he claimed was easy to tackle. so physio sessions were not just left knee and ultrasound but includes my right ankle (i didnt want to tell him it hurt both sides). first session he IT band-ed my left thigh but OMG IT WAS #$%( PAINFUL. i wanted to scream out expletives but decided otherwise and just muttered ow ow ow ow ow. it was supposed to be better. until ytd he it band-ed my thigh again and it was WORSE WORSE. ))): he pressed some part of the knee which never hurt before but it did ytd. )))): tonight im trying to sleep without curling my legs or bending it.
i thought physio sessions are a waste of $20per session. but right now, i'll be grateful if mr physio could come help me out now.
a knee injury is just as bad as a sprained ankle. leaves you crippled and keeps coming back. sucks.
if only the day has more than 24 hours, we'd all be happier people. :D
i've been studying and i get sleepy by the time i reach home and have my dinner. like right nw. ahahhaha
ok! goodnight!
well hello.
today is the very first day i stayed at home after zohor doing nothing but sitting in front of this laptop of mine playing bejeweled blitz over and over. but alas. it's so damn hard to beat scores that soars to as high as 400000. so, congratulations to myself! but i cannot beat the record of staying home on a weekdays without touching the front door the entire day. there's silat barbecue at labrador park tonight. makes me think twice about going because my dad didnt really say a yes. so. hur.
i started the year of 2010 on the bed whiling my time away. so far, all's good! i had a badminton (which i generally suck at) game yesterday with maths kids and their other halves. yay! we should play more badminton next time! or lets try something else? and hafiz will go buy kites for us at marine parade for $2 and we shall go marina barrage ok! :D the last time i flew a kite was...i dont remember.
of 2009.
main achievement: cap up! and pulled off a shocking A for soci. HAHAHAHA. insya'Allah, if i continue to work hard with saliman's "belajaaaaar!!", i will continue to push my cap up for the next three semesters and possible do honours. all these will require lots of energy. and thank you saliman!
let's go by halves.
1st half 2009: lots of playing. not good. nevertheless no more Ds (dang that linear algebra) in my results. school was a lot more socializing and studying sat somewhere mid priority until the exams drew near 2 weeks before. not good. holidays was....ivp! :D which turned out ooooookay. cant wait for next ivp. had a bigger smile then and concentration was really off.
2nd half 2009: major withdrawal from play. good but not good. more consistent in work and more focused. still cant challenge the long attention span of somebody else though. smiled less due to tiredness, stress and i cant think of other reasons right now. but results wise, much better and now reaping the effects of better results. (: thoroughly enjoyed my holidays. travelled far and wide. ok rubbish. to batam and kl only.
ok. im done. resolution for this year is still being considered.
but target for next semester: continue what i did last semester. OMG. ))))))): okay. lead a balanced lifestyle. dont forget play. shop only when necessary; excludes weekly or bi-weekly window shopping. save money wherever possible. always been doing that anyway. watch movies only when the show looks good. HAHAHAHA. be more active and not passive. smile more.
♥
to faz. omg i havent seen since i dont know when. not that i've forgotten you. )):
to dianah. i'm not free on tuesdays and fridays. other days sounds perfect. :D
to farah hidayati and soefie. i will lunch with you at least once a month in school.
to abg mi. bila nak belanje ni!! (not like u read this anyway HAHA)
to silat. i will put in more effort. i try.
to fad. we should stop typing typos.
i was simply too busy or too tired or too lazy. but really, words dont come easy anymore. my brain is currently in melayu-habis mode.
jadi apa kata, kita tunggu sampai mode ini berlalu. maka, akan saya menulis tentang wawasan 2010 saya dan beberapa pendapat tentang tahun 2009 yang sudahpun lepas pada malam ini ataupun malam esok.
sekian. (:
HAHAHAA. nota untuk diri sendiri: tulis dalam bahasa melayu dah terabur haprak! sudahlah!
we are all conformists. whether you like it, or not.
i'm supposed to be doing my chinese but i'm procrastinating with blogging and icy tower, and eating keropok after a long time, and assessing the dryness of my face ever since i started using shokubutsu HYDRATING (bullshit) i'm going back to buy garnier, no matter how expensive it is, everything BUT chinese and tut 9 which was last week's tut. dammit.
but you know. it's not really bugging me. but it bugs. OK. and i hate bugs, especially in my room at night. i'm sure a lot of other people too.
sometimes i wish i had all the time in the world to do whatever i want. sometimes i want things to go my way and not sudden changes. maybe i'm not receptive, but i suppose i dont quite like spur of the moment stuff when i thought i had it all planned to the little bits. but when it goes POOF, my heart goes POOF, my mind POOFS too. and then i'll be in a daze. but i dont mind changes when i havent planned things by the minute kind of shit. unless it's minor changes. but really, i really can't stand it.
put it simply, my dad and i are ALMOST ALIKE. he's not receptive to changes at all. we must go in really slowly on him. otherwise he'll just reject it flat. but no, i'm not that hardcore. i would probably just live with the change surpressing inner feelings even if i don't like it, for the better good. initially i won't be able to receive it, but it takes a whole lot of effort to embrace that change and eventually come to terms with it or i'd have to psycho myself that the change was reasonable, good and advantageous.
well, i do a heck lot of psycho-ing. to myself only. that's been happening since, i cant remember when. secondary school?
herrrumpherrum.
anyway, i want to talk to you, but you know my ability to talk and churn out words regarding, is close to zilch. zero. naught. empty. kosong.
but i promise, i've been trying to understand you. (:
oh oh. this is really cliche. but really, i'm sure everyone has said this before in their lives.
"it's not you, it's me."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ok now really, CHINESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
here i am once again after a long long MIA.
im supposed to be studying ok. but one thing sparked off in my mind and i thought i want to share.
i think im exceedingly much quieter, more mature (though some may completely disagree), more self-keeping, less RAAAAH (since jc), less noisy (noisy with a few people only), less involved in school activities (given, it's such an independent system in school, i tend to detach myself from many things going on in school except bazaars(HAHA), to put it blatantly, i think im less energetic to involve myself anymore = lazy), you get the point.
is it the school system? my system? my new "go school, study, attend lessons, eat a little, go back, facebook, die in soci and maths tut, silat, weekends are...i dont know what happened to them" routine? or maybe i've grown. but why do i need a bib? ):
but what i dont understand is the change which gradually consumes me and changes me to a person, different at a whole new level (lower or higher, im not sure). in a way, im happy like this, but somehow, where's my vibe? i think used to be happier. so what's changed? ):
looking at pictures on facebook of friends, looking at pictures i took when i was young (ya alah macam tua sangat), reading at past entries on my blog (thanks), im much much less of a happiness-exuding person than i used to be.
wani said to me some three weeks ago, "nurul! why you look so sad? you used to be smiling all the time!"
then it became a thought provoking matter for me for the past weeks when i find time alone and as i try to understand and comprehend the change in myself. i wonder if everybody else changes in this direction as they age. i wonder if i am less happy now than i was before. but here's what i notice about myself.
1) im still the way i was when im alone. i sing, talk to myself, draw and doodle when some image comes into my head, i terkinja-kinja still and i like to laugh myself silly alone (ohmygod i sound mental)
2) i now have a different persona in public, compared to then.
does this mean or show being very mindful of how others perceive me to be changes me? i tak tau. ))): am i obsessed with "im an adult now i should behave" mentality? or aiyah society, why make me like this?? )))): now i blame society. dammit.
then now, here comes me thinking about loads and i cant express it to people, as i hide in my comfort zone where people dont scrutinize or judge me. i have this ugly impression of people that they are judgmental. maybe because sometimes i do judge people (like how i judged my laoshi's shoes just now). i need to delete "judgmental" out of my dictionary.
so now, i'm thinking, people who read this are going to judge what kind of a person i am.
so i tell you, no im not sad. i just dont understand why i turn out this way. what a contradiction.
on a side note, today has been terrible.
spilled chinchow, sugar washed jeans, my phone dropped twice, not eating much, i have a feeling people are scolding me a lot lately when actually they are not.
ah. life's complicated. what wani said made me realise of my reclusion.
ah. if only i wasnt such a thinker at certain times. or maybe this is effect of regular pms. shit.
